Top Of The World
by Booshy
Summary: Howard has left Vince. Vince is tired of being a faker. This is my 2nd fanfiction so be nice and review please.
1. Faker

**Faker By Christina Mayer**

**I'm so tired of this. Why do I do this? Every night is the same. Go out, get drunk, smile, laugh and pretend everything is okay. I wish everything was. But it isn't not, not since Howard left. Howard was the only one I could feel normal with, I could be me. But I was such an idoit, I pretended he was nothing to me, I pretended I didn't need him. And thats what I thought, I really did. After all I had my looks, my hair, my crowd and my reputation. What else did I need? Howard Moon... **

**He left because of the way I had changed. He said that once the Boosh band became famous, I became unbearable, that I got one hint of fame and my ego inflated to the size of my wardrobe. I didn't notice that I was changing. I thought it was him who was changing, not me. Sure I had to fake who I was to fit in with the rest of my crowd. It was nothing new, I had always done that. I mean if anyone knew the real me I would be chucked out of Camden, my reputation would be destroyed. Even when I worked at the Zooniverse I had trouble fitting in. I mean the uniform, thank god Fossil didn't notice that I customised it. It looked even better after I had. But after Howard and I left the Zooniverse It got worse I had to wear the right clothes, I had to build up a reputation. I mean you had to have a reputation to get somewhere in this world. So this was when I faked even more. Only Howard knew the real me. **

**As time went on and on the Boosh band had finally got famous, in the end it was the crimp off which got the ball rolling for us. After that everyone wanted to know us, Cheekbone kept ringing us every three hours for a new interview. I even was asked to be a Captain on Never Mind The Buzzcocks, it was electric. Howard got asked to go on QI and Jazz Request Live, but after he went on the programs he would always come back infuriated, saying all they talked about was me and the style that I had chosen for the band. At the time I was so happy everyone wanted to know me. Even Mick Jagger and Gary Numan wanted me to sing with them. I was caught up in it all. I didn't realise what I was actually losing. I tried to bring Howard up into the fame with me but the more I tried the more he wanted to shrink back into the shadows. **

**After we performed at the o2 arena he told me he was leaving. Leaving The Boosh, leaving the Nabootique, leaving me. I was so shocked the only thing I thought I could have done wrong was changing his play for the better. Surely that wasn't that bad? I mean everyone loved it, after all who would have wanted to know about the dangers of Global Warming when they could know about the amazing features of Jean Claude Jaquette? **

**When he told me he was leaving I just laughed and told him he would never make it without me, I said he needed me. But it was more the other way round. I needed him, I still do. Then he just turned away saying he will be at the Nabootique packing if I wanted to say goodbye. But I just went to the after party hoping that he would turn up.**

**By the time I got home Howard had left, there was nothing left of his in our room on one note on my bed.**

_**Vince, I'm not going to say sorry for leaving.**_

_**I know this was the right thing to do,**_

_**for me a least.**_

_**I don't fit in, not in your world anymore.**_

_**Maybe we will meet again, **_

_**when you remember who you are.**_

_**I guessing you want to know why I have left,**_

_**well, you just need to look in the mirror.**_

_**Vince, you have changed more than **_

_**I could have ever predicted.**_

_**Your ego has become bigger than your wardrobe!**_

_**Why do you pretend? **_

_**Every night when you go out?**_

_**Why do you fake who you are?**_

_**Just so some sad acts like you.**_

_**Come on little man, you're better than that.**_

_**I guess you will just forget me,**_

_**After all I was just someone to rely on.**_

_**The world didn't properly know who I was.**_

_**They don't even know you.**_

_**But I do, So please Vince, **_

_**Don't lose yourself. **_

_**Don't be a faker for the rest of your life.**_

_**It's not the Vince I knew and loved.**_

_**Yours faithfully,**_

_**Howard T.J Moon.**_

**And just like that he was gone. My best friend, and my lover. I never told him, but I should have done. Why did I laugh when he told me in the Tundra? Why did I move on so fast at his birthday. I should have fought for him. But I just let him go. Do you know that song "What hurts the most"? Not the new dance one, the original, I can really relate to that right now. **

**I'm still performing, still singing. But only songs that say exactly how I feel. There's one song that used to be to a rap. But I changed it into a song. Only the chorus needs to be sung by Howard, it's the message I need to hear from him. Do you know the song "When I'm Gone". It's my story, I get famous but I lose the one I love. I'm hoping like the guy in the song I get a second chance. I feel like I'm the guy singing and Howard is his daughter who he is neglecting. It's my fault. I need to hear his voice, his voice singing:**

**They say being a faker is an illness, it's true. It's worse for me now, I'm getting weaker and weaker. Being a faker is killing me. Howard, if you read this please understand, I love you. I should have said this a million times. Oh Howard, I'm so tired, I can't pretend anymore. I hope you find this in time, before it's too late. You said you would never say sorry for leaving, I understand that. You did right for yourself. So I want to say I'm sorry for making you leave. I have been an idoit and I know you will never forgive me. **

**So this is the truth of the great **_**Vince Noir Rock N Roll Star, **_

_**I'm a faker and a hater,**_

_**Never ever trust me. **_

_**I'm a faker and a hater. **_

_**Forget who I am.**_


	2. Too Late

Too Late By Christina Mayer

I got a letter from Vince today. I'm surprised how he found me; I didn't think he would have the brain power to think to send it to the only Jazz club in Leeds. I haven't opened it yet. I mean what's the point? After the way he treated me, embarrassing me, putting me down the whole time, even ruining my chance in theatre!

Sure it hurt to leave him. But after a while I felt better, not whole but better. And of course that's completely understandable that I would have some feelings for him, that I would miss him, after all I have known him all my life. But after I slapped on some Charlie Mingus I felt... I felt like I had a second chance at life. Instead of being stuck in the shadows of an electro idiot. I kept telling myself that I left him because of his ego, because of the way he treated me, because of what he said.

I guess I better read that letter now, the more I think about it the more I worry. Vince would have never got in contact with me unless there was something wrong. Now that I think about it he hasn't been in the press recently. The last I heard of him was something about him disappearing for a few days then showing up with a cold or something. But that was nothing new, when we were at the shop, he would wonder off for a couple of days then come back with the hangover from hell. This is it, time to read that bloody letter, time for my past to catch up with me.

_Howard,_

_How long do I have too wait?_

_Why haven't you answered my letters?_

_I have sent millions of them._

_I have sent them to your parents, _

_To the Jazz club in Leeds, _

_Everywhere._

_Please reply,_

_Before it's too late._

_Don't you know? _

_Haven't you heard?_

_I must have sent my story round,_

_To anyone who knew you._

_Naboo and Bollo have left._

_They have gone to America._

_The Shaman business _

_Is really huge out there._

_I'm still running the Nabootique,_

_But the landlord who took over from Naboo_

_Wants to chuck me out._

_I don't know why._

_I guess I'll just stay at Leroy's._

_If you want to get in touch,_

_Just ring the old number _

_And ask for me._

_In case you don't know what's happening,_

_I have put in this letter a copy_

_Of my latest chapter of my Autobiography,_

_Thingy. It's called "Faker"._

_Love from, _

_Your Little Man._

_Vince Noir._

Oh Christ, what is that all about? I have just read "Faker", what does he mean before it's too late? I've gotta ring his landlord, I've gotta talk to him. Before it's too late. What if he's ill? What if he's dying and its mine fault? Why did I leave him? Why did I make out that I didn't love him? Why did I say that he was a faker? Oh god, that's it I'm ringing him.

_"Hello, Is Vince there?"_

_"Who?"_

_"Vince Noir, he should live here..."_

_"Oh, right, well, I don't know how to tell you this mate. But he is in hospital. He came home one night after millions of nights out, and collapsed."_

_"Oh my god, what's going to happen to him? How long has he been in hospital?"_

_"Look mate I don't know what's gonna happen to him, but he owes me six months rent. And he has only been in hospital for two. Who is this anyway?"_

_"Howard, Howard Moon, I used to share a flat with him."_

_"Yer, I know who you are, Noir wakes me up half the time calling for you. You're that guy who left him. You really messed him up."_

_"I know, look I need to see him, which hospital is he at?"_

_"I don't know, but he left you a letter, something about being sorry, too late and it ends tonight."_

_"Okay, look I'll come and get it. Is there any chance I could stay in his room? Only for a while. I'll pay rent."_

_"You'll have to pay his rent too."_

_"Fine then. I'll see you tomorrow"_

_"Right..."_

That's it I'm going to see him. The story of Vince Noir has not ended yet.

_He's not a faker, or a hater._

_Can't lose him now._

_He's not a faker, or a hater._

_Never forget Vince Noir._


	3. It Ends Tonight

**It Ends Tonight By Christina Mayer**

**Here I am once again. Alone, ignored, too tired to fake anymore. I've given up writing to Howard; I sent him one last letter to him. I tried to explain what's happening to me, in it. I even including my last chapter of my autobiography you know "Faker". I don't know whether he has read it, or ignored it like my other letters. Is he punishing me? For being the world's biggest, idiotic, twat? I can't explain myself at all anymore. I just keep waiting. But I'm tired of waiting. I should just get it into my thick head that he is over me. But I just carry on longing for him, he'll never know, not if he has read my letters. If he had read my letters he would be here. I know Howard; he would come rushing in straight away. My special man of action. Well, I thought I knew Howard, I guess I don't anymore. **

**I set myself a time limit. I said that if everything went wrong, it everyone left me then I would end it. I would disappear and hope to never be found. Without Howard, I felt empty, hollow, like a deflated beach ball. Once Naboo and Bollo moved to America I was alone. The new landlord I had didn't care about me. I was just an annoying twat to him. I guess I'm like that to everyone. That's why I starting faking again. I met up with Leroy every night, pretending everything is okay, then sneaking home early from the parties to check whether _he _sent me a letter or left me a message, anything. But every time there was nothing.**

**I started getting really bad dreams. Each night they were getting worse, they were getting too real and I couldn't wake up from them. There was this one dream that kept appearing. It was the worst; it would make me feel alone, dead, invisible, scared, and vulnerable. I would wake up screaming, crying out for Howard to help me. It when I was on the roof at Howard's party, but Howard wasn't there. **

**_"There you are you prancing tit." The Head Shaman appears coming towards me. I speak up trying to tell him what really happened._**

**_"Look mate, I'm not in love with your wife. We were just standing in a cupboard together!" Ha he'll have to listen to that, but he just looks at me with pure hate. He thinks I'm lying, I don't blame him, and I have the reputation for it after all._**

**_"Just in a cupboard, with an extreme sports calendar model, I don't think so." See, no one ever believes me except Howard. I try again, still telling the truth._**

_**"Honestly, I'm in love with someone already" Howard. But I can't tell him that. He just laughs and screams into my face,**_

_**"The lies of a backtracking worm. Don't make me laugh. Who you in love with?" He just had to ask, quick think of something. Hold him up until Howard comes, he'll help me.**_

_**"My girlfriend, she just around here somewhere" Okay, that was really bad. He'll never believe that!!**_

_**"Oh really? Who would love you? You're a faker and a hater, Never ever trust you, a faker and a hater, We'll forget who you are." They were right. Truth Hurts.**_

**_Head Shaman comes at me with his sword raised, he plunges it into me. I don't feel anything, I just see Howard sitting there, laughing, as I'm dying. He is there watching me dying, doing nothing to help me. I shout out. He shakes his head and mouths,_**

_**"Too Late"**_

**That's when I wake up screaming. My landlord is saying he'll chuck me out because of it. I can't stop thinking about Howard, even when I'm asleep. I should just give up. My time limit... It ends tonight. I'll end it tonight. Just a couple of pills should do it. And my favourite drink, Vodka.**

**I'm so tired, everything's going black...**

**All I can hear is sirens. Are they for me? Where am I? What's happening to me? I don't care anymore. It ends tonight.**

_**I'm a faker and a hater,**_

_**Ending it tonight.**_

_**I'm a faker and a hater,**_

_**Setting myself free.**_


	4. Dark Was The Night

Dark Was The Night By Christina Mayer

The walk to Vince's room seemed so long. It seemed to take years just to get to his door. Even now as I wait, I, Howard T.J Moon, am ready to admit that I am afraid. It was time to go in. I entered. I saw my little man lying there, lifeless. Just a pale body connected to a mass of wires, all keeping him alive.

All I can hear are the beeps reflecting the heart beat of my little electro star. At first I hate them, they remind me of what he did, of how I left him. I dream of him walking the streets of Dalston alone, going to the velvet onion then getting kicked out at closing time, trying to get back into the flat, but no one is home to let him in. After hours of sitting in the rain Leroy walks past Vince grabs him but gets shoved away. I go after Vince as he starts running. He turns around and walks up to me chanting

_"Dark was the night, _

_when you left me. _

_Dark was the night, _

_when you set yourself free"_

He then walks right through me as if I'm not there. Now it's me who is alone, abandoned, just what I deserve. This is when I wake realising it was a bad dream. But for Vince, it was worse. He couldn't just wake up and forget about a bad dream. As I look at he now I as the rhyme going round in my head. I'm waiting for him to wake up so I can make it all right. I need him to forgive me.

I am still staying in his room at the flat, the landlord is horrible. How did Vince put up with him? His room hasn't changed at all still covered with Gary Numan and Mick Jagger. He has also got all the pictures of us together up on the walls. It reminds me of the old times, the Zooniverse, the crimp off. Happy, crazy times. This is like in the Tundra when I thought Vince was dead but he was just with a bloody polar bear talking about Numan! I was pouring my soul out to these dwalfs! I also remember my birthday. How could I forget? It was the most special night of my life, if I forget about all the times before the roof, especially Naboo tricking me into letting everyone know I was a virgin!

Naboo, Bollo, I'm gonna kill them when I see them. I rang them last night when I got back to the flat to let them know about Vince and surprise, surprise they were stoned outta their heads with some band called Robots In Disguise? Who knows. Anyway once I manage to convince them that I was not a talking pig yelling down the phone at them, they said they would come straight away. Which really means leave after 5 hours of packing. That means they should be in an hour.

Good, Vince will want everyone here when he wakes up. The nurses say that'll be hopefully tonight. He has been in a coma because of a drug overdose. Apparently he took up to three packets of prozac and drunk three bottles of vodka, Vince always used to sing :

_"Three is the magic number."_

The magic number to kill himself the doctor said. But somehow he stayed alive. He seems to be fighting for something. But before I got here his body was just giving up. He must have known I was here. Just like Vince, the sunshine kid is fighting back.

Vince Noir. The Rock 'n' Roll Star, will be back.

_He's not a faker or hater,_

_Otherwise he wouldn't be fighting._

_He's not a faker or a hater._

_I will never leave him again._


	5. The Reason

**The Reason by Chrissie Mayer**

**"He's coming round. Thank god, he's okay."**

**I could hear voice's from far away in the darkness. There was fear in the voices. Why do they care about me? Surely there was no one left who cared about me. My head hurts so much, it definitely beats the hangover I got from Leroy's 3 week drinking holiday.**

**"Come on Vince, open your eyes, you can do it."**

**Aww do I have to? I just want to stay here in the darkness where it is safe. Then again the voice sounds worried. I hate it when people worry about me, I might well, just make them feel better.**

**"Wakey, wakey, Little Man."**

**Little man, I love that nickname. But I don't like it when someone else but him uses it. That's it, I'm gonna have a go at whoever that berk is. Once my head stops hurting. I better see who it is. I open my eyes and see three faces staring at me. Three faces I reconise, all looking scared. Naboo, Bollo and Howard. It really isn't possible, they can't be here. This has to e a dream. **

**While my eyes are getting used to the harse glare of the light I study those faces as they change expression from sad to scared to hopeful.**

**"What time is it?" I groan, trying to think of something to say to make these guys happy. Trying to think of a way to prove this isn't one of my many blissful dreams. **

**"Well it is just after midday. Perfect time for you to get up. After all it's the usual time you get up." Yep that's Naboo's little lisp.**

**"Vince been very lazy, Bollo's had to do Vince's hair for him" Bollo's growl shows the worry in his bright blue eyes. **

**"Hang on; he's been doing my hair? Oh god someone get me a mirror" I cry remembering the last time Bollo did my hair! I had to go to the emergency hair dressers down the road.**

**"Relax Vince. We didn't let him go mad" Finally proof that He is real. No one can fake his northern accent. Howard T.J Moon has come for me. And he found Naboo and Bollo too. The old gang back together. **

**I try to sit up but my head stops me. So I just reach up and weakly pull Howard towards me.**

**"Hey, don't touch me" He says, but he doesn't push me away instead he pulls me close and whispers,**

**"I'm sorry for leaving you." He looks me deep in the eyes and then says "Don't you dare do anything as stupid as this again."**

**"Oww my head, watch out, I have a hangover from hell." I mutter sliding but on the pillows. "So where am I?"**

**"In the hospital you berk. Do you remember what you did?" He asks turning away. He's ashamed of me. Stupid me thinking things could go back to normal, Howard doesn't want to be with me. Not after what happened.**

**"Yes, I remember. Is that the only reason you came back?" I accuse, who knew I could be so mean to the one I love.**

**"Actually the reason is you. Vince I should have told you this ages ago..." I look up, and notice something is missing.**

**"Hang on, where's Naboo and Bollo?" I ask looking Howard in the eyes. He looks upset again? What have I done now?**

**"Oh, ermm they went out when you hugged me." Now he won't look me in the eyes. Was what he was going to tell me that important? So I ask...**

**"Oh, anyway you were saying..." I try. He looks embarrassed, you know the rabbit in headlights look, exactly how Howard looks now.**

**"Ermm, it was nothing, just that, well I'm staying in our room in the flat again. I hope you don't mind" Now even with my brains (or lack of them) it's easy to tell that wasn't it.**

**"You sure that's it, that's all you're going to tell me?" I press.**

**"Yep, I think so; anyway I have to go the van is on a meter. I'll see you tomorrow." He leans down to give me a quick hug and then practically runs out the door. That's how you blow a relationship within the first ten minutes after waking up from a coma.**

**The _great _Vince Noir Rock 'n' Roll star is really bad at relationships.**

_**I'm a faker and a hater,**_

_**Always ruins the moment.**_

_**I'm a faker and a hater,**_

_**Will never have the one I love.**_


	6. Night to Remember

Night To Remember By Christina Mayer

I can't believe this. I was so close, so close to telling him how I feel, hell even Naboo and Bollo got the hint. That's why they left. Did Vince know? Is that why he interupted me? But he asked again. Why was I so scared to tell him? What if he doesn't feel the same way. I know that he keeps saying he does in his letters, but what if he was just saying that just cos he was giving up? What if he thinks we can just be friends?

I mean today I had trouble keeping eye contact with, I mean thats hard usually but usually I love looking into Vince's eye. But today I just couldn't bear it. Not after I was about to tell him. Today was meant to be a night to remember. But it's just a night to forget. I thought once I told him he would say he loved me too. Then well you know, we'd have a happy ending and this would be a nightmare which happened but we'd just forget.

I should have just waited, I mean, what would of happened if I had told him. He'd proburly have a heart attack from laughing so much then fall into a coma. How can I tell him without scaring him out? I want it to be a night to remember! Think! Come on I'm meant to be the one with brains!!

I've got it. I'll say I have to go see my parents, but I'll write a letter explaining how I feel, to Vince. Then get Naboo to give it to him and on the day he does I'll come back and make a huge show. But thats only if Vince likes me, if he laughs then I'll laugh along pretending it was just a joke.

What do I write in the letter? I have so many ideas in my head, all of them rubbish. Argh it's so hard to put you're feelings down in to words. I'll just write down a few ideas.

_Vince, You know how we have been friends for years._

_Well for me..._

That was just really bad. It sounds like I'm asking him a favour.

_Hey Little man, You know the birds and the bees._

What the hell? He knows that already. And it's too wierd. He'll run a mile.

Vince, You know how Jazz and Funk go together, So well,

the beats and tasty riffs work perfectly together!

He won't understand that, it's jazz. He'll rip up the letter just hearing about Jazz. Who am I kidding I need to talk in his terms. I don't know fashion that well but I'll try my best.

_Dear Vince,_

_Remember when we fought against Lance Dior and _

_Harrold Boom you said how we go together, like ying and yang._

_It's true we do have history._

_We go together as perfectly_

_as Jean Claude Jaquette and your hair._

_We fit together as your mirror ball suit and the light._

_What I'm trying to say,_

_is what I have been building up inside me._

_Vince, I love you._

_I tried to tell when you first woke up._

_But I lost my confidence._

_After I found out what you did_

_I realised what I had lost._

_Vince, I can't remember when _

_I was falling in love with you._

_I just remember being in love with you._

_Even though sometimes I didn't show it._

_I was trying to distract myself._

_After all, you're Vince Noir, Rock 'n' Roll star._

_You wouldn't want to be with me._

_We are so different but I'm hoping,_

_that the saying opposite's attract, is true._

_I mean we couldn't get more opposite._

_You, the most beautiful, funny, clever, _

_amazing person I have ever met._

_But there's more to you._

_You have a heart, _

_When you first meet people they love you._

_Even when they see through your ego,_

_they still love the real you._

_But then there me._

_The social retard, _

_old, not clever or funny._

_When people meet me,_

_They run a mile._

_Except for you,_

_You stood by me,_

_Even when people thought _

_I was your dad._

_What I'm trying to say is,_

_Vince, I'm not whole without you._

_When I left, I felt so wrong._

_Three simple words, _

_I need to say_

_I love you._

_Yours truly,_

_Howard T.J Moon_

_xxx_

That's it what do you think? Now all I need is Naboo to give it to him.

I'm in love with Vince Noir Rock 'n' Roll Star.

_He's not a faker or a hater._

_I love him._

_He's not a faker or a hater._

_I believe in him._


	7. Someday

**Someday By Christina Mayer**

**I've kinda guessed what Howard was about to tell me. Naboo kinda gave it away, when he came back in. He simply said to me,**

**"You're an idoit you know, he really likes you. Why did you interupt him?" Who knew Naboo could be so patronising? America has really changed him. At least Bollo's normal, and I think he is having hairdressing lessons. My hair actually looks quite electric. I have new layers now and I was thinking of adding some electric blue highlights. I mean I tried it out ages ago with temporary it looked genius.**

**ANYWAY, trust me to get distract with my hair, I mean the phrase **_**I was about to take over the world then I got distracted by something shiny. **_**Suits me perfectly. **

**But anyway, Naboo told me that while I was in the coma Howard never left my side, he looked after me. I even found his diary, bit mean, I know, but I needed to find out while I was in the landed of the sleeping dead. He really must care about me. I mean he has dropped everything in Leeds to come look after everything, I have read "Too Late" and "Dark Was The Night" he is doing what I'm doing, keeping an Autobiography thingy, what ever they are called. In "Too Late" he really freaked out when he found out I was in hospital. I know, I can't believe myself. But in "Dark Was The Night" he talks about me as if I'm the chosen one. Why? I mean I have been an idoitic twat to him who forced him to leave. **

**But now when I go to sleep I have different dreams. **

_**Me and Howard, we're in the Tundra. We've just been tied up by the dwalf people for trying to nick the egg. We're crimping then **_

_**"I love you Vince."**_

_**This time I don't laugh. I struggle against the ropes to try and reach his hand. I just manage to hold his hand, the ropes cut me but it's worth in. I don't know what to say. I hear the breath catch in his throat. He is waiting for me to reply.**_

_**"Howard, I love you, and I can't believe I waited till we were about to die to tell you this. I love you so much. I've been in love with you since I met you..." I would have said more but...**_

_**"What a touching scene!" Here's Bainbridge ruining the moment. **_

_**Then the scene changes it's me and Howard on the way back from Monkey Hell. In the back of the cab, I fall asleep on Howard's shoulder, he doesn't wake me he just pulls me close, holding me there till we get back to the zoo. Just as we get out the Grim Reaper whispers to me**_

_**"Never let him go, he is special, you'll never find anyone like him again"**_

_**I look at Howard and realise this is the truth, I open my mouth to tell him but...**_

**"Wakey Wakey, Little Man." Howard's back. I have to tell him now this is my only chance. **

**"Howard..." I try but he stops me.**

**"Vince, there's been a bit of an emergency back in Leeds. My mum, she's fallen over and with my dad's bad back. Well I have to stay over there a week to help them out." Howard looks nervous for some reason. Is he scared about leaving me? Does he think I'll try and kill myself again. No way not until I tell him.**

**"Okay, so you'll be back on...?" I ask thinking I'm gonna have to tell him then.**

**"Friday, only five days Vince, anyway I have to go the cabs here" He mutters before messing up my hair and leaving. **

**Two ways that man can easily annoy me. Messing up my hair and not letting me I'm going to have tell him someday. When I build up courage someday.**

_**I'm a faker and a hater,**_

_**I will tell him some day.**_

_**I'm a faker...**_

**No hold on. I've changed my ways. I will never be a faker or a hater again.**

_**I'm Lost in Wonderland,**_

_**Finally feeling free.**_

_**Don't ever wanna be found.**_

_**And lose this feeling.**_

_**Sometimes it stays private.**_

_**Sometimes it hides.**_

_**Till the truth builds up inside me.**_

_**And crashed out with the tides.**_


	8. Happy Ending

Happy Ending by Christina Mayer

Well, it was all set up. I was off to Leeds, while Naboo gives Vince my letter, then when I come back Vince will have read it and I would have found out how he felt. The thing is, it didn't work out that way. It didn't even get to the second stage.

I told Naboo to give him the letter. I told him it was of high importance. I guess he must of thought "Get high, it's very important, forget about the letter!" So Naboo got stoned and so did Bollo, the letter disappeared and Vince never found out.

Not until I came back anyway.

I was so excited I thought he had read my letter. I went straight for his room where he was straightening his hair. I burst in with balloons and everything. He looked at me like I was mad. Then he focused and the balloons and said "Hey it's good you're back but who's birthday it is?" He asked innocently. That when I guessed he didn't read the letter so I found Naboo and pulled him away for a quiet talk. Man to man, so to speak;

"Naboo, what the hell? Did you even give him my letter?" God I hate the fact Naboo has such a deadpan face, I can't find out whether he was telling the truth, unlike Vince whose has a tiny smile when he's making up some excuse for being late.

"What are you on about? What letter?" I look for a sign that he is joking, something, I mean they must have set it up somehow and this is one big prank. Like the virgin thing at my party.

"The letter, I gave you to give to Vince, you remember we discussed the plan a million times. You give him the letter; he finds out, I come back. I find out if he feels the same way. This was meant to be my happy ending!"

He still looks clueless. What else do I have to say to get him to remember?

"Vince finds out what exactly? Howard?" He asks I can't believe he can't remember!!!

"That I Love Him" I could hold it any longer I just shouted it out.

That's when I heard a gasp behind me... Vince... I forgot he loves to listen in to me and Naboo arguing. Bollo and him always bet on who will win the argument. Usually Naboo.

I turn about slowly, Vince knows now. Saves me time I suppose. I don't have to write out another letter and go to Leeds again. Time to see how he reacts.

"So that was what the balloons were for..." He starts; I hold my breath and wait for him to continue. He doesn't so here's my chance.

"Vince, I love you, I always have done. I don't remember a time when I was falling in love with you. I just remember being in love with you. You know that saying, _you don't notice you are falling until you have fallen._ It's true for me. I know you said you love me in all your letters but I don't know whether you were just saying that. It's your choice, if you don't love me. We'll forget this ever happened."

I stop here, looking away from him, waiting for him to reply. To say anything. Time goes by so slowing. Then after what seems like years I look back to his face. He is crying. Oh god. He doesn't feel the same way. If he does why is he crying? He should have been happy if he felt the same way.

I had to get out of there. "Okay, ermm, I can see you don't feel the same way. Ermm I'll just leave you in peace. I'll hopefully be back later."

I tried to walk out of there like it didn't bother me. But as I left I felt like the whole world had turned its back on me.

I still love Vince Noir _Rock 'n' Roll star_

_He's lost in wonderland,_

_Finally feeling free._

_So why did I tell him?_

_That he is loved by me._


	9. I'd Lie

**I'd Lie By Christina Mayer**

**I have always had one rule, it was very important and I was never to break it. If anyone told me they love me, I'd lie. I would say I didn't love them, even if I did. It was my way of keeping them safe. No matter what I do, I always hurt them. I always drive the one I love away.**

**That's why Howard left, I remember now. It was his birthday when things starting going wrong. The first time we ever meant that we loved each other properly but then Howard moved on so I said I did too. I remember the tension soon became too much so I kept distracting myself with different girls when we were on tour. He thought it was my ego but I was hiding the truth. It was easier so I didn't hurt him. **

**But when Howard told me earlier I couldn't believe it. I was so shocked. I couldn't say anything so he got freaked and thought I didn't love him. The truth is I had to make a decision... Do I break my rule and tell him I love him. Or do I keep my rule and let him find someone else better than me.**

**ARGH I can't win. Either way he suffers. The pain of thinking I don't love him or the pain of me being the worst ever lover. I don't trust myself with him. I know I will hurt him someday. I can't risk it...**

**Can I?**

**Howard said he loved me. I found his letter. It was beautiful. I found it after he left, after he told me. I knew he liked me but I thought it was just friendship. I never thought for one second that it would be love and he would feel the same way as I do.**

**Howards writes better than anyone I know, if you ignore the jazz/cream poems. He could get famous just for writing love poems. **

**You know I have to be the biggest idiot in the world. Why didn't I reply earlier? He thinks I don't love him! I have to find him, where would he be? Think!**

**Right he would know I would be looking for him so... He wouldn't go to Lester's house or the Jazz club or even to his parent's house. He would be local, just incase I went mental again. The Velvet Onion! It's where we first got famous with the crimp-off. Against Lance Dior and Harrold Boom. That was a great day.**

**Right so I'll go there and tell him. I don't want to hurt him anymore and if he truly loves me, which he does! He'll be safe. I'll break my rule; I'll tell him the truth. I LOVE HOWARD T.J. MOON!**

**Vince Noir _Rock 'n' Roll Star _will find love finally.**

_**I'm lost in wonderland,**_

_**Finally feeling free.**_

_**Together with Howard Moon**_

_**He loves me.**_


	10. Top Of The World

Top of the World by Christina Mayer

I knew it; I knew he didn't love me. Why did I even think that he would? I mean we are so different! He is popular he can have anyone he wants so why would he want me? I'm going to stay here at the Velvet Onion until Lester gets back, then I can go and stay at his place.

I hope Vince doesn't try to come and find me. I don't think I'll be able to stand his teasing. Maybe I will join one of those online dating things Lester's always going on about. I mean it worked for him; I mean who knew Eleanor would like Lester? Right now they are both in her 'Love shack' in Okapoko, on their honeymoon. When they come back, hopefully they'll let me stay with them for a bit. Although when I rang them to ask Eleanor kept mentioning threesomes! The thing is I don't really want to go to far away because of, well, you know, I don't want to leave Vince. I still want to look after him.

Vince will always be special to me. That's why I can't leave completely this time, not again. I'll just hang round in the background to make sure he will always be okay and that nothing will ever happen to him. I hope he is alright now. I hope this hasn't affected him in any way. I wonder what he is doing now. What time is it? 8.00pm, so right now he will be getting ready to go out and he will be ready at and heading out soon after.

Hang on its open mic night tonight. That is always his favourite night. Always singing bloody Electro. I remember trying to make him sing Jazz but he would just say "What? You wanna kill me Howard? I know I'm a pain but still" then he would pout at me, I would melt and just start laughing and end up letting him sing "Do You Want Me Baby?" By The Human League. He was always trying to make me listen to his idea of decent music. Almost every night he would come home with a new CD to get me to listen to. It worked only one time. It was a new band called "You Me At Six" I didn't like all their songs only this one song. "Always Attract". I never let Vince Know though. He would have thought that he had won! I mean the only reason I like this song is because of the lyrics. It just described me and Vince, I don't know how but it just did.

Anyway I better open up for Fossil, he always forgets then runs around screaming that no one likes him. Where is that bloody act list? I better stick it up. Fossil always puts it up so high, Vince always asked me to sign him up when he was singing but I could never reach. Well I can put it at my level now. Right done.

I try to step back but I knock into someone,

"Sorry" I mumble. But an arm covered in sequins reaches over my shoulder writes a name on the sheet, in perfect handwriting...

Vince Noir x x

Why is Vince Noir Rock 'n' Roll Star here?

_I'm lost in wonderland,_

_Finally feeling free._

_He is reaching for my hand._

_Is he actually going to be mine?_


End file.
